Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
