three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
