Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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