dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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