Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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