My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
