i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
