He kissed a someone with a penis
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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