Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
