so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
