Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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