Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I came so hard my ears popped.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
