Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
