Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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