i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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