the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
