your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
