Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
