the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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