I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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