I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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