Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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