Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
