This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
