Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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