god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
