Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
