i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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