Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
