The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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