Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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