I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
