My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
