hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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