He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
