Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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