How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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