didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
