she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
