I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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