That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
