I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
