can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
