you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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