Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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