Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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