Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
