My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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