You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
