Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
