why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
