is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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