..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
