Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
