I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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