Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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