fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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