glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently the secret to your success is patron
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
