okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
