he thought i was a dude.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
