i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
