I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
