More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I smell like Dick and happiness
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
