you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
