dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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