you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
