guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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