my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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