i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
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Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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