just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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