I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
