somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
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my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
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I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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