she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
