It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize