Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
