meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
