we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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